The Problem With New Year's Resolutions

Debbie
Jan 1
3 min read

Updated: Jan 13

Resolve or rest?

In the depths of winter, when all the natural world is dormant, we set ourselves our biggest challenges of the year.

Waking up to darkness, we struggle through the short, cold days, committing to new goals even when our bodies might rather be resting. We race ahead, choosing restrictive diets, intense exercise, and regimented routines. It’s a subtle form of self-abandonment, where we suppress our needs in favour of what we think we ‘should’ be doing. We resolve to use all our willpower and energy in a valiant attempt at transformation! Sadly, willpower based on ‘shoulds’ doesn't last.

The goals we set are a window into how we view ourselves. We approach them as a way to improve, to become a better person. While this seems like a noble intention, it also reinforces the idea that we aren’t already enough. We think that we need to be slimmer, more productive, more successful… we try to prove our value through our most superficial qualities.

But your value as a person is inherent. You have been worthy since the day you were born, and you will be worthy until you die. You already deserve to be happy and healthy, to play and be joyful, to rest. You do not need to prove yourself. And if you don’t already believe this, then it’d be worth starting your healing journey there.

Finding the right motivation.

That said, being happy and healthy, finding play and joy and rest, sometimes requires effort.

Goals and resultions can be very helpful, but it's important to set the right goals, for the right reasons. Research shows that the most effective and lasting kind of motivation is intrinsic - it’s motivation that stems from inside yourself. Instead of striving for external validation or reaching for an arbitrary future target, we can choose to enjoy the process. We can focus on what we get out of the experience - does it align with our values, spark our interest, bring us joy, and feel authentic to who we want to be? We can look at our new habits as a way to nurture and care for ourselves, to cultivate meaning and satisfaction, to honour and celebrate our already-existing value.

If we want new habits to last, we need to make them sustainable. Sure, set some goals in January, but will you be able to keep them going for the foreseeable future or will they end up burning you out? Set realistic, achievable targets, and once those habits are established, you can build on them. Taking small, manageable steps creates opportunities for lots of little wins, which will motivate you to keep going - it sets you up for success!

Practicality and persistence.

We also need to think practically about how we will achieve our goals. Do we already have the necessary skills or knowledge to succeed? Can we source tools, or set up our environment to make it easier? Do we have someone to support us or hold us accountable? How will we track and review our progress, and how will we change our approach if we encounter obstacles? These are the stumbling blocks that often make us feel like we’ve failed, but the reality is that you only fail if you give up as soon as you encounter difficulties. The key to creating lasting habits is the willingness to learn from past experience, tweak our approach, and keep trying!

The new year is a fresh beginning, a clear opportunity to draw a line and start again, which can be very motivating. But lasting change is for the long haul, and you can begin it any time - every day is a new beginning! Whenever the time feels right for you to create new habits, that is the right time! It doesn’t matter whether the rest of the world is joining you.

Be kind to yourself.

If you do set some resolutions this new year, I hope you approach them gently, with planning and with patience. And I hope they enrich your life while allowing you to remember just how awesome you already are. ❤